1. Proust Questtionaire


    Questions copy and pasted from Vanity Fair

    1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
    Listening to a song and knowing you’re a better person for hearing it.

    2. What is your greatest fear?
    Blindness.

    3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
    Overthinking.

    4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
    Dishonesty

    5. Which living person do you most admire?
    Amy Hempel

    6. What is your greatest extravagance?
    My college education.

    7. What is your current state of mind?
    It’s like a long sheet hanging by upwards of ten clothespins. At this moment, it’s hanging by three, but it’s still hanging ain’t it?

    8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
    Virginity

    9. On what occasion do you lie?
    To avoid confrontation with family members.

    10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
    I hunch my shoulders a lot.

    11. Which living person do you most despise?
    Gene Simmons

    12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
    Honesty.

    13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
    Honesty.

    14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
    Just. When. And then.

    15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
    Henry David Thoreau.

    16. When and where were you happiest?
    When - 20. 21. 22. Where - In his arms.

    17. Which talent would you most like to have?
    Photography.

    18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
    I wouldn’t have diabetes so I could in theory eat a slice of bread without thinking of the greater implications of eating said slice of bread.

    19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
    My friendships.

    20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
    Studs Terkel or Mike Royko

    21. Where would you most like to live?
    Chicago. I already live here, so I’ve got it made.

    22. What is your most treasured possession?
    My computer. His name is Murray Burns.

    23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
    When you can’t get out of bed in the day but can’t fall asleep at night.

    24. What is your favorite occupation?
    Teaching/tutoring.

    25. What is your most marked characteristic?
    Bluntness.

    26. What do you most value in your friends?
    Loyalty.

    27. Who are your favorite writers?
    George Orwell, John Steinbeck, Amy Hempel, Hunter S. Thompson, Irvine Welsh

    28. Who is your hero of fiction?
    Murray Burns.

    29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
    James Boswell, only because I’m related to him through some convoluted family line.

    30. Who are your heroes in real life?
    My great-grandmother, my grandfather, Mayor Daley after the Miegs Field debacle, Joe Strummer, more I can’t think of right now.

    31. What are your favorite names?
    Katrina, Amara, Charles.

    32. What is it that you most dislike?
    Meanness and cruelty for the sake of being mean and cruel.

    33. What is your greatest regret?
    Not taking more advantage of my last year of high school.

    34. How would you like to die?
    Without too much fanfare. Leave that for the funeral.

    35. What is your motto?
    1. Treat your surroundings like a tourist, and you’ll never be bored.

     


  2. Reading Series Review - Reading Under the Influence, August: Attitude Adjustment!

    It’s been a while since RUI’s had a lineup of readers I’ve either met before or actually know well enough to call “friend.” There’s Jacob Hall, who I know of because his name knocked around the Columbia Creative Writing Department coming after the usual words, “Do you know….” Darwyn Jones has performed at two 2nd Story events I had the chance to attend (both for free). Jael Montellano is a person I’ve both talked to and seen perform, both times at Two Cookie Minimum, which I haven’t been to in ages, but there are free cookies and cheap enough drinks, so going is a must. Finally, there is Miss Liz Grear. I’ve known her since my sophomore year back in late 2011 and since then I’ve seen her mature into one of the best writers I know. She doesn’t even know how damn good she is, and this isn’t me gushing about a friend, this is me saying what loads of other people have said.

    But enough of that mush. I paid my $3 cover and talked with Brendan at length about our latest successes and woes until the readings began. First up was Jael with some Jonathan Safran Foer from his novel Everything Is Illuminated, a scene that involved driving in Ukraine with an old man, his grandson Alex, and their dog, the grandfather’s “deranged seeing-eye bitch” named Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. In the second half of the reading, her original work was a bit darker, though her work has always leaned more toward the gothic side of literature. Not many reading series feature authors like that. Of course, most authors today would be too damn afraid to touch the genre, so props to her for diving in and excelling at it.

    Jacob Hall read from To Kill a Mockingbird and asked trivia relating to it (which I won because I’m amazing, smart, and was more desperate than everyone else for a free book and a free shot), and read a piece of his own involving relations between a man and a woman, though most memorable was Bronwyn’s introduction for Jacob, in which she described a tutoring session with him where he turned in a piece about a “beautiful girl in the desert riding a stick horse.” It’s certainly an image that sticks.

    Mr. Darwyn Jones had us all in fits and giggles. First, he read from Carson McCullers’ The Member of the Wedding, and when pulling out his trivia afterward, he shouted, “THIS WAS FROM CARSON MCCULLERS’ THE MEMBER OF THE WEDDING. THIS TRIVIA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MEMBER OF THE WEDDING.” Instead, the trivia was about “Attitude Adjustment,” and each question started with those two words. We learned that not only is “Attitude Adjustment” a drink made with Bailey’s Irish Cream, root beer schnapps, and peach schnapps, but it is also the name of a 6-man rock band struggling for fame. Later in the night, he read from his own work, a piece he’s performed at two 2nd Story events I’ve been to in the past year. It was a little disappointing to hear this story for the third time instead of something brand new, but these things happen and there’s not much else to do but try and enjoy it, which wasn’t too hard.

    Finally, lastly, there is Ms. Liz Grear. The published work she read was from I forget what, mostly because her own work stuck with me so much. It was a piece I’d read on her Tumblr, but watching her perform it was an entirely different experience. It was a list of reasons why she’s selfish, and she swiftly runs down how she makes her boyfriend jealous, wakes him up in the middle of naps just to see him squirm, and after catching a garter, she slurred, “You can catch all the garters you want - I’m never getting married.” But in the end, she loves him, and he loves her. Whether or not it’s fiction depends on who you ask.

    Afterward, we all mingled, I got my free shot (Malört. Always.), I talked about OkCupid and Tinder with Brendan and Patrick, mostly about how those sites are the dredges of the social media-dating combo boom that’s happened in the past couple years (fucking awful in my opinion). Then we all got frozen yogurt at I took this photo.


    It doesn’t give you money. It takes it away.

    Pertinent information - right after the reading, a few of next month’s readers were announced, with one spot in need of filling. It has been a considerable amount of time since I’ve performed at a reading/performance series and I’m jonesing bad. With every reading, there’s a rush, a marriage of nerves and guts, anxiety and excitement, and it gives me a chance to gnash my teeth and reach for throats. So the moment the hosts said they were in search for a fourth reader, I immediately told host Behnam, “I should read next month,” because I’m an arrogant little shit with no shame, censor, or self-respect. About three hours later, I emailed him saying that if he hadn’t found a reader yet, that I should be that reader, attaching three samples of writing. Within six minutes he replied.

    "Jesus, that happened like three hours ago."

    What can I say? I like getting things out of the way. So, will this able-bodied faux-professional get in on this wonderful reading series? Let’s hope. If it’s anything like it was yesterday, I’m excited. The bar this time around was as raucous and drunk as ever, as it should be.

    rating: A+

     


  3. erikadprice:

    If I have a journal article published with the American Psychological Association, I do not get paid, I must pay the printer for the use of color images, I must give the APA worldwide publication and copyrights to my work, and I am not allowed to give the final journal article away for free on my website or on any social media outlet. I do not get free access to the journal; I do get a free electronic copy of the article (which I’m not supposed to widely share). 

     


  4. A friendly reminder of activity.

    Surprisingly, after I lost my job, I had a week of going out and throwing my resume everywhere, then a week and a half of sleeping as much as possible. The job loss and a lot of other things cluttered my brain, and I needed time to re-energize, resurge, and return to form, and probably a couple other words that begin with “re-“. I’ve been writing like hell for Chicago Literati, working on some short stories, listening to the new Rise Against record, going on OkCupid dates (all two of them), reading a collection of music interviews from The Believer, and wrapping my head around some stuff.

    I still sleep a lot though. That’ll never change.

     

  5. amandaonwriting:

    The things that happen when you don’t plot…

     

  6. I’m so proud of this I want to show it to my dad.

     


  7. "Greetings. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Romeo and I grew up in Chicago. I won’t give you my life story in one message but I’ve come a long way when it comes to understanding the universe. I am mainly writing to you tonight to present to you the concept of "As above, so below" and with this idea we can come to understand that just like our inner creations form so does this outer giant universe. Our emotion’s and things that we do continue to reflect and manifest through all of space and time forever. Oneness is the key to harness this power, understanding that we are one and reflections of the emotions of the universe which are really our emotions allows for true control. So with that concept we can send our positive vibration to the world and in this reward; the world will not send back positive vibration, but will manifest it. This allows for new and more dynamic frequencies of positivity to be open to us as a whole. There we can use law of attraction to recognize with this higher vibrational frequency and explore the opportunity it forecast. Synchronistic events will be the catalyst to the illumination of your divine spiritual exploration." - Sent at 2:10am

    Somebody sent me this message on OkCupid. At 2:10 in the morning.

     


  8. tetw:

    To win on of our 100 favourite non-fiction books (you get to choose which one) just reblog this post. Not on Tumblr? Tweet a link tagged #tetw. We’ll pick a random winner. No cash alternative. Judge’s decision is final. Bla bla bla.